So all of this was going through my head and I was feeling so unprepared for the little man's debut. I went to Joann's to use a gift card and then I had a big shopping trip to do at Winco to stock our freezer and pantry. I just felt like if I could at least get my checklist of things to do before he comes done I would feel so much better and that was one of the biggest things on the list. We use food stamps right now and I hate it, I hate that we need them and have to rely on someone else to feed us, but it's what we need right now. That's beside the point, but the food stamps balance renews the first of the month. It didn't renew yesterday, I understood that it was a holiday so I figured, OK, fine, it will renew today. I went in, spent 30-45 minutes filling my cart and making sure I had everything on my list and then some. Then I stood there while the nice gentleman scanned my $180 worth of groceries and then scanned my card all so he could tell me that there is only $3 on it. Mind you Matt hasn't been working since October so if we don't have food stamps, we don't get to buy food. Not only was I stressed about not being able to take all that food home and check that big task off my list, but I was also completely humiliated about having to tell the man that I couldn't pay for it and someone would have to go put it all back. Plus I am 9 months pregnant and hormonal so I was a blubbering mess of tears which just added to the humiliation. It was awful to say the least. Once I got home and cried a little more and Matt comforted me I was better and I have been trying to remind myself that it's just a bad day and tomorrow will be better. I'm just so exhausted and so done being pregnant since I have literally been pregnant more than half of our marriage. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for the blessing that these little ones are in my life and in our family and I am so grateful and humbled that God has trusted me to be their mother. But being pregnant is dang hard and so is being a mom. Being both at the same time is nearly killing me. OK, I guess that's a little dramatic, but I'm hormonal, cut me some slack :)
So that was my day, I will try to stop complaining now and just post my belly picture, that you all have probably already seen anyway. Thanks for reading and thanks for caring!
3 comments:
Aw man! I was at Joanns and Winco just yesterday, I would have spotted you the cash and swapped it for some food stampage. A while ago, I went to winco the day after a Check was supposed to clear and when I got to the check stand I found out that it hadn't so I had to stand there sorting out the things that I could afford and couldn't afford while this guy behind me just huffed and puffed to let me know his impatience. SO EMBARRASSING! I got in my car and cried and i wasn't even pregnant. You're a champ and I'm sure you'll do great with all that you have on your plate.
Oh Jen, I just love you.
Something similar happened to me a few months back. It was Sunday and I wanted to make homemade tapioca for Conference but I was missing ONE ingredient. After weighing the pros and cons, I decided to go to the Winco down the street and pick it up. Yes, I was breaking the Sabbath and yes I did feel guilty. There were a TON of people there and I waited in line for almost 30 minutes to buy this one thing. While in line I noticed a bunch of people with carts full of food waiting in Customer Service line but thought nothing of it. Turns out the store's cashiers was having problems accepting EBT and people using food stamps had to wait in a separate line. They don't take credit so all I had was my debit card. I didn't have enough money on my card to buy my one item that cost about $3. The cashier said "You could wait in that line over there..."I stood there asking the guy "Really, are you sure it was denied?" then feeling so embarrassed and feeling everyone's eyes on me. I had missed the first part of Conference, broken the Sabbath, and waited in line all for an ingredient I couldn't afford because we were so broke. I was humiliated, in tears, and red faced. I cried the entire way home. You are NOT alone! We all make mistakes and you at least have the excuse of being hormonally pregnant...but I feel for you. Life is TOUGH some days.
If it makes you feel any better, you are a stinking adorable preggo lady! I can't believe how good you look after two kids and three pregnancies! I know there are fears about taking care of all three children...but I know that you can handle it. YOU are strong. YOU are amazing. And that little dude is soooo lucky to have you as a mommy! Good luck in the coming weeks!
One of the many super awesome things about our Heavenly Father is that he knows you, and he know each one of your beautiful children, and he knows each one of your needs. You will be blessed by bringing this sweet little boy into this world and Heavenly Father already has a plan for how you are going to take it all on. You are a strong, capable mother, you are a daughter on God and you can do this.
I may have shared this with you already, but one of the things my aunt told me when I was pregnant with Cole and Blaze was not quite a year old yet - she said to tell Cole as a baby, who can't understand me anyway...that I'm going to put him down so I can spend some time with Blaze. And make sure Blaze hears it. When you put the baby down, tell him you are going to snuggle Alexis, or get the girls some food. I know they are both young too, but let them hear you tell him that you are going to spend time with them. The funny thing about it - Cole didn't want to be held, he didn't want to be snuggled, he just wanted to be on the floor, or in his chair. Heavenly Father knew that having 2 kids that young, I was going to need some help. I went through major post partem depression with Cole, and to this day I thank my Heavenly Father for a child who didn't need me to hold him and snuggle him. And of all my kids guess who hugs me the most now - Cole.
So remember that Heavenly Father knows what you need and that maybe this little boy won't have the same needs as Alexis and Regan. You can do this.
And on a side note - I was reading a little further into your blog to catch up - if you are still having heart burn - drink apple cider vinegar. It has amazing qualities that are so good for you and it will take heartburn away in an instant. When it's really bad I drink straight from the bottle, but I'd suggest diluting it with a little bit of water. You only need about 1-2 tbsp. You'll feel it burning as it goes down, you'll feel it instantly working in your chest. Yes, it's absolutely disgusting, but IT WORKS! Just stay upright for about 10 minutes after because it makes you want to burp :)
Hugs to you and the family. I'm sending a little gift for the baby with Sara.
Post a Comment