I want to thank my wonderful sister Sara for taking me to a Zumba class when I went to Spokane in May. I really had a lot of fun and I got a great work out, which are two things that don’t usually happen at the same time for me. I hate working out in the traditional sense of the phrase. I don’t like going to a gym to lift weights and I absolutely despise running. So when I went to Zumba and left sweating, but with a smile on my face, I realized I found the one thing I will actually like doing that keeps me active and fit. I have never been the super active type, some might call me lazy :) but I have always wanted to be more active, I just struggle to find the motivation to do something that is physically hard and not enjoyable. So when I got back from Spokane I was determined to find somewhere that I could do Zumba. I found just the place toward the end of the summer. Pura Vida studio (pronounced with a Latin accent) is about 20 minutes from me and the girl who owns it loves Zumba and just teaches Zumba. She seriously does like 3 or 4 classes every weekday (the first one is at 5:30 am!) and one on each day of the weekend. And no, I have never gone to the 5:30 class! The first day I went I made my sister-in-law go with me because I was too scared to go by myself. We had a blast and both signed up for the monthly membership. Anyway, my point in telling you all of this is because today I went and it helped me realize some things.
This morning I went by myself (as in none of my “posse” came with me as Alexis, the instructor, likes to call them, lol!). It was me and 4 other ladies who were there for their first or second time doing it so they really didn’t know what they were doing. I, on the other hand, try to go 3 times a week so I know most of the songs and don’t have to watch the instructor as much anymore. Normally I just focus on the moves and the music and the workout. But for some reason this morning I had more energy than usual and I was goofing off like crazy. Alexis and I were laughing most of the time and I guess I was just myself. This may not sound like anything amazing, but it actually was kind of a rare occurrence. Anybody who has only known me for the past 2 years (as in, the people who know me in Maine) would probably tell you that I am shy and quiet. However, people who knew me before I got married, like my family and friends from high school and BYU, would tell you that I am outgoing and fun and sometimes crazy. The second description is the real me but I haven’t really let that show very many times since I moved here. I think that getting preggo, then married (and having a less than supportive family at the time), then moving across the country away from everything and everyone I knew, and then having a miscarriage all within a few months changed me. I don’t talk about it much, probably because I don’t have any close friends here to talk to (and that is in no way meant to be mean or offensive to anyone here!). I have never been one to make friends easily. Being in school where I was constantly in social situations really helped. But since I’ve been out here I haven’t really had very many opportunities to make friends easily so therefore I have no close girlfriends who I can call up randomly and say hey let’s hang out or anyone I can call and vent to or any of the other benefits of having girlfriends. I know it is no body’s fault but my own, but that doesn’t make it any easier. But today I saw a glimpse of the real me again and it felt great to see her again. I am hoping I can open up to people and actually let them in and let them get to know me. But until then all of you (my 2 readers!) will just have to be my girlfriends who I chat with and vent to, hope you don’t mind! :) And here’s to hoping I actually update my blog more often. I think it will be easier now that I realized I don’t have to have some amazing story to tell. And it feels really good to get this all out and to not care who knows it. This is me, take it or leave it!
2 comments:
I can't say that I understand completely without being dishonest. I haven't had to leave behind everything the way you have and I envy your strength. But I can understand the not making friends easily part. Being married and on your own is entirely different from high school as you said. And it is very hard for me to break out of our couple seclusion and go out of my way to make friends. I live with my best friend and I think I use that as an excuse sometimes to not make girl friends. I have found it very hard to break out of my shell that has formed around me and be myself. I do miss having the girl friends to call up and go do things and just laugh and be myself. I think everyone wants and needs that even if they don't admit it. I have friends out here but mostly just church acquaintances. No one I would feel comfortable randomly calling up. I just have to figure out how to propel my energy into forcing my true self out for the world to see and take a chance. Its scary. But I would rather expose myself and fail than not try.... Maybe I will. :) Thanks for bringing this to the forefront of my mind. And just for the record. I like who you are!
Thanks Kassi. I know what you mean about the couple seclusion and using Josh as your excuse to not go hang out with other people, I do the exact same thing. And now that I have Regan it is even harder to go out and be social and make friends. But I do miss being myself. I am slowly breaking out of my shell.
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