My Favorite Little Person

I try not to write posts about Regan constantly or put things about her in my Facebook status all the time, I guess I just think people will get annoyed or that they don’t care as much as I do (well they don’t) that she got her first tooth or that she learned to crawl. But I really feel like telling everyone I know every time she reaches a little milestone because I am just so amazed at how smart she is and so proud every time she learns something new. When I had Regan I was unprepared for the lack of sleep and how hard it would be. But I was even more unprepared for the overwhelming and unconditional love I would have for her immediately and how that love would get stronger every single day. Being a mom is the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced. I know that my hubby loves me and that my family loves me, but they don’t love me like Regan does. She is such a momma’s girl and the way she lights up when she sees me, even if it’s only been 2 minutes since the last time she looked at me, is like I am her whole entire world. I guess I am in a way since she spends 95% of her time with me. But it is such an incredible feeling to be loved the way a baby loves their mommy.
I will admit that some days are really hard; I would be lying if I said it was all joy and smiles when you become a mom because it is not! There have been times when I have had to call Matt at work and tell him to come home early because I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I am not the most patient person in the world so those days when Regan is refusing to go to sleep and just wants me to hold her but I have to get homework done and just really need her to go to sleep are the worst! Sometimes I would just have to put her in her crib and close the door and go to the other side of our tiny apartment so I couldn’t hear it just for 30 seconds to clear my head. And then I would go back in and see her sobbing and then I would start sobbing because I felt like such a horrible mom for letting her cry like that. But I have since learned that Regan is VERY stubborn and sometimes the only way she will go to sleep (even if she is exhausted) is if I let her cry herself to sleep. As horrible as it may sound, that’s what works. I don’t feel like such a crappy mom when she does it now because I know she is not hurt, and I’m not neglecting her, I’m just letting her self-soothe and learn how to put herself to sleep. Not that I could rock her to sleep if I wanted to because she won’t let me do that either! Haha! Matt and I have been trying to figure out which one of us she gets her stubbornness from because neither of us is as stubborn as that little girl!
My reason for writing this post is because I was just watching Regan playing on the floor this morning. She has just learned to crawl and is getting better at it every day (gulp!). Every time I see her manage to get herself to a toy or object that she wants my crawling I just have to grin with pride that my baby was able to accomplish that task. I know it may not seem like a very big accomplishment, but you have to remember that just 7 months ago she was doing nothing but eating sleeping and pooping (and of course looking cute)! I am filled with so much pride and joy at every little milestone she reaches and it is so amazing to watch her play and discover her world. She is such a curious little girl and is always trying to see everything and put everything in her mouth. However, my heart does break a little at each milestone too because she is growing SO FAST and once the moment is gone it’s gone. I will never see her smile for the first time again; I will never see her reach for an object for the first time again or get to feed her her first jar of baby food again. I guess the only cure for this little bit of grieving is to have another baby! But not yet. There are too many variables in the near future right now. We have no idea where we will be next year. There are two possibilities but that doesn’t mean that one of them will pan out. Life has a way of surprising us! I guess it could surprise us with another baby before we decide we are ready, but hopefully that doesn’t happen, I prefer planned pregnancies! :) Anyway, I guess I have said everything that is on my mind now and I REALLY need to clean our apartment…*sigh* I hate cleaning! Haha! But it must be done. Blogging is fun, I am glad I decided to start doing it again.