Raylan's Birth Story

I don’t know why but I am nervous to write Raylan’s birth story. I know I have to do it sooner rather than later or I will forget a bunch of details (like I already have) but I am not sure yet how to describe it. It certainly wasn’t the nice and calm birth that I had with Alexis, but it wasn’t as scary as Regan’s because I knew more or less what to expect. Also, I can’t say this time that I had him all natural and completely un-medicated and I haven’t decided how I feel about that yet. Matt thinks my labor was really fast but to me the beginning of labor is when the contractions start and are timeable, so that’s where I will start.

On Thursday I got up with the girls around 6:30 and got them breakfast and then got in the shower. I had my 38 week appointment scheduled for 8:30 so we all hustled to get ready and get out the door. I was already having contractions then that I thought could turn into something. They were stronger than regular Braxton-hicks and I thought they were coming more frequently too. I didn’t want to get my hopes up though because the same thing had happened to me on Tuesday and turned out to be false labor, so I didn’t bother to try timing the contractions at that point. We brought the hospital bag with us just in case because if my midwife didn’t think I was in labor we planned on going to the mall to walk for a while and try to get things moving. I had a couple strong contractions in the car and started to feel nauseous by the time we got to my appointment.

I waited forever for my midwife after the nurse got my vitals and what-not. The whole time I was just hoping beyond hope that I would be dilated enough to either be sent to labor and delivery or have her strip my membranes. I really wanted to be done being pregnant, but I also really wanted to go into labor that day so that everything would work out with my sister coming to help and Matt not having to miss too much school. My midwife finally came in and I told her about the contractions. She was totally unconcerned or phased as usual (I wasn’t really fond of either midwife at the practice, but that’s another story) and told me that I had only gained 16 pounds the whole pregnancy and had dropped a pound at each of my appointments since 36 weeks. But was she concerned? Of course not! I definitely was and had been worried about the little man’s growth ever since 36 weeks when my belly only measured 30 weeks. I really felt like he wasn’t thriving on the inside and needed to come out. Anyway, she checked me and told me I was 4 centimeters. But didn’t think I was really in labor and told me the 4 reasons to go to the hospital, again. I asked about having her strip my membranes but she said she wouldn’t do it until 39 weeks. So I left my appointment really glad that I was already at 4cm but annoyed with my midwife that she didn’t think I was in labor or that my contractions meant anything and that she didn’t seem to care much that my baby wasn’t growing like he should.

After the appointment we went to Walmart to pick up some things and took our time and walked all over that place. I was still having contractions and I think I had started timing them by that point but not very accurately so I still wasn’t sure if they were the real deal or not even though they were getting stronger. We headed to the mall and got there around 10:00. I got serious about timing the contractions while we walked. I was waddling like a duck because I was really uncomfortable and the contractions were definitely getting stronger while we walked. But then we went into Barnes and Noble to let the girls play with the trains and while I was sitting down I thought they had almost stopped. That did not make me happy so I went and walked some more but I was really sick of walking so we stopped again at the play area in the middle of the mall. Some of the contractions were really strong and painful, others not so much, but they were coming every 3-4 minutes. My sister had decided she would just head our way because she only had the weekend whether I went into labor that day or not. So I decided to wait until she left her house and then I would see if I thought I needed to go to the hospital. She left at 11:00 and by then I was done wondering what was going on, so I told Matt that I wanted to just go to the hospital and see if I was really in labor, the worst they could do was send me home. We went to a couple stores in the mall first and then headed over to the hospital which was right down the road.

We got there around 11:30 and I got into a gown got hooked up to the monitors and checked my progress. It was 11:45 by the time they checked me and I was 6 centimeters! I couldn’t believe it but I was SO relieved that it was finally happening and happening on a day that was perfect! We had our friend ready to meet Matt at our apartment to watch the girls until my sister could get there (she lives 2 ½ hours away) so I texted her and told her it was the real deal. Matt and I tried to decide whether he should get the girls lunch and put them down for a nap or just drop them off and head straight back. I asked him to just be quick since we only have one cell phone so I wouldn’t be able to tell him if things progressed really quickly. He left just before noon.

Soon after Matt left I decided I just wanted to hang out in the tub. It was pretty nice at first but then I just felt trapped and needed to move so I got out. By then my midwife (not the same one that I had my appointment with) came in to see how I was doing. I got situated on the birthing ball and we chatted like that for a while. I kept feeling like Matt was taking forever and I just needed him to be back. It was really weird being in the hospital in labor without him there; he is my rock when I’m in labor. My contractions were getting noticeably stronger and I really had to focus to get through them so I decided I wanted to be checked again. Only 7 centimeters. I was a little disappointed because I was already starting to get tired and sick of the contractions.

Right now I think would be a good time to explain my mindset going into this labor and delivery. Through most of my pregnancy I was a little cocky about the labor and delivery part. I figured I had done it twice before with no pain meds so I could do it again no problem and didn’t bother doing anything to prepare myself, like practicing relaxation techniques. Once January hit though I started to get nervous about it, I knew I could do it naturally, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to. It was a weird emotion. My reasons for wanting to birth naturally just weren’t holding up and I just felt like it would be nice to take the easy way out and get an epidural. I played around with the idea and even went so far as to ask Matt if he would be disappointed in me if I did get one (of course he wouldn’t he said). As my due date drew closer I got more and more nervous and started to dread being in labor and being in that pain again. On top of that I was very stressed about adjusting to three kids and taking care of Alexis and a newborn. So basically, I wasn’t prepared to deal with contractions. I was set up for the “fear-tension-pain” cycle that I learned about in my birthing class I took when I was pregnant with Regan.

I don’t know exactly when Matt got back but I believe it was around 12:45 or 1:00. He pulled up a chair and got behind me while I was still on the ball to rub my back and apply counter-pressure during contractions. I was so relieved to have him there but the contractions were really getting bad and I was getting so tired. I was really trying to breathe and relax through the contractions but I was struggling. Matt was so encouraging and tried so hard to help me relax but I was done and I didn’t know how much more I could take. I mentioned the epidural to him again and he talked me out of it again. But the pain was bad and was really wearing me down because I was fighting with every contraction instead of relaxing and letting my body do its job.

I decided to try the tub again hoping it would calm me down. I had some really hard contractions in there and kept telling Matt I couldn’t do it anymore. My midwife came in around then and could tell things had gotten a lot more intense. I remember thinking that maybe I was in transition, but it hadn’t been that long since I was at 7cm so I pushed that thought away, which I shouldn’t have. If I had known I was in transition then I would have been reassured that it wouldn’t be much longer and I would have tried harder to hold out. The tub wasn’t helping much and I decided I wanted to get checked again and asked for help with the pain. I dreaded getting into the bed to be checked because it is so hard to get comfortable enough to be able to deal with the contractions, but I wanted drugs and needed to be checked so I did it anyway. It took me a little while to feel like I could handle being checked (it hurts when you are in labor!) but when she finally did she told me I was pretty much fully dilated. Well that explained all the pain! But even though I knew it was almost over I knew that I still had to push that baby out and the fear came back. I still wanted the meds so they gave me something in my IV, but I don’t think they had time to kick in at all until after he was born.

The contractions were getting really bad, I struggled through each one and they made me put on an oxygen mask because they didn’t think I was getting enough oxygen. Then the combination of the oxygen and the fear made me start hyperventilating. Then I finally felt like I needed to push. I tried a couple times while laying on my side and then my midwife suggested I get on my hands and knees. It took a lot for me to get into that position but it really did make the pushing easier. I kept saying “I can’t do this!” and remember everyone in the room telling me that I was doing it and that I was so close to being done. As much as it hurt and as hard as it was to calm the heck down I distinctly remember my midwife telling me to push slowly to ease his head out, and I listened to her. I was able to control my pushing so each push was really effective and it only took a couple minutes to get him out completely at 1:48. So it only took about an hour and a half to go from 7cm to delivery.

And then, hallelujah  he was handed to me and it was finally over!! I half laughed, half cried and the intense joy and relief I felt to have him in my arms was overwhelming. The first thing I said was “oh my gosh I have 3 kids.” Matt thought that was pretty funny :) but once I got over the shock of it and really looked at my beautiful boy I was instantly so in love and so happy to have him. He weighed a whopping 5 pounds and 10 ounces and was 18 ½ long (the midwife that was never concerned was surprised at how small he was - I told you lady!). He is so sweet and snugly and we just love him to pieces already. Regan was so smitten by him and held him for a good 10 minutes at the hospital and did so good! Alexis is mostly indifferent but has checked him out a couple times and did pretty well. She hasn't gotten too jealous but that was with my sister and Matt around so she had other options.

The night we came home I was so dang happy about my little family. They are my world and they bring me so much joy. I know that I still have no idea how hard it will be once I am on my own with all 3 kids, but I finally feel at peace with it and know that everything will be OK. These three amazing little spirits are so worth it and I am so grateful to have them; I am so grateful to have the life that I have!

And now for pictures! Most of these have already been on Facebook, we hardly took any pictures with our actual camera because a) it sucks and b) if I take pictures with my phone I can instantly share them. Also there were no pictures taken during labor, I was in no mood to have my picture taken and Matt was obviously busy. But here are my favorites of my sweet baby Ray :)

Regan was absolutely in love and didn't would have held him there forever if we let her. She really wanted to name him Benjamin. It was on our list and so she had heard it a few times. It almost broke my heart to name him something other than she wanted...almost :) But we have loved the name Raylan ever since we heard it and feel like it is a better fit. 

I don't know why but this is my favorite picture of him right now. It's almost like you can see in his eyes how amazing his little spirit is and how amazing he is going to be. I keep thinking about how sweet he is and like he is even sweeter than the girls were. I think its because I know some day he will be a man and won't be quite as sweet anymore, but the girls are girls so they will always be sweet. I don't know how to describe it, I'm weird. I just know I love him!